The 2009 Uni Awards
You are all cordially invited to the most prestigious gala in the podiosphere- The 2009 Uni Awards!
MUSIC: Intro Theme
ANNOUNCER: Ladies and Gentlemen, Sonic Society Members from across the globe, welcome to the 2009 Uni Awards. Your hosts tonight…. Jack Ward and Shannon Hilchie!
JACK: Wow! What an amazing night. The stage is set. You look fabulous. What gown are you wearing tonight, Versace?
SHANNON: Actually it’s…. Chanel.
JACK: Very comely.
SHANNON: Thank-you!
JACK: We have a star studded audience tonight. Who would have thought so many people would look so good in audio tux’s.
SHANNON: There’s John Bell, from Bell’s in the Batfry.
JACK: And Jack Hosley from Wander Radio.
SHANNON: Alexa Chipman from Imagination Lane, and Broken Sea.. Hi Alexa!
JACK: And Mari all the way from Michigan. Thanks for coming!
SHANNON: Matt Leong of course from Doubledork Meter!
JACK: And also in the Broken Sea row there’s Bill Hollweg, Paul Mannering and his lovely wife Damaris!
SHANNON: And Dave and Mak… Wow. Thank-you all for coming!
JACK: So many familiar faces, and so many new people as well. But you’re all here for one thing… and that’s for the Parsec Awards. We-
SHANNON: – Uh Jack… This isn’t the Parsec Awards.
JACK: It isn’t?
SHANNON: No… Remember… We weren’t even nominated for the Parsec Awards this year.
JACK: Really? So not for the Jack and Shannon Show?
SHANNON: Nope.
JACK: Or the Dead Line Episodes… Like “The Replacement Show” or “Messages”?
SHANNON: Not a one.
JACK: Surely for the short audio drama Dead Line Episodes like “Choice”, “Deathbed Confessions” or “Fiend to the Old”
SHANNON: No, no and no.
JACK: (SIGHS) Not even for “Gate”? That was a summer special last year for 10 episodes….
SHANNON: Not even for “Gate”
JACK: So what are we doing here?
SHANNON: This is the Uni Awards.
JACK: The Uni Awards?
SHANNON: Yes, the 2009 Uni Awards. Remember, this is our Second Annual affair. We thought we could get a little gussied up. And now that we’ve gotten rid of Moonglow and Ken…
JACK: -Who?
SHANNON: Ken… Ken MacAlpine?
JACK: Oh, Right…
SHANNON: We can afford to do this right.
JACK: Okay… so basically this is an award’s show that we put on, for our recognition.
SHANNON: No. The Uni Awards are the only awards selected by our listeners… Audio Drama producers, Directors, Writers, Actors and Enthusiasts to celebrate the very best shows from Season 4 of the Sonic Society.
JACK: So, did we get nominated in these?
SHANNON: That would be pretty lame to get nominated in your own awards, wouldn’t it?
JACK: Right now, I’m pretty much ready to accept pity ribbons. So we didn’t?
SHANNON: We totally did. Are you happy?
JACK: Did we win?
SHANNON: That’s what we’re about to find out… and here to get us started off is John Bell and Brad Mottworth from the Bell’s in the Batfry to tell us the finalists for Best Actress in an Audio Drama!
JACK: (WHISPERS) Did you get nominated?
SHANNON: (WHISPERS) Shhh!
ANNOUNCER: From the Bell’s in the Batfry Comedy Podcast, John Bell and Brad Mottworth!
[JOHN BELL AND THE BATFRY- BEST ACTRESS]
JACK: Well, Shannon I have to say I’m sorry you didn’t win.
SHANNON: What? Are you kidding me? I got nominated for playing myself in “The Jack and Shannon Show”. I wasn’t even acting!
JACK: And you lost. What’s that gotta say if you can’t win playing yourself?
SHANNON: Wow… I never really thought of it that way… Gee, thanks Jack.
JACK: Hey, you still look amazing!
SHANNON: It’s Audio!
JACK: And speaking of which… That brings us to one of the hardest jobs in any show.
SHANNON: Being your co-host?
JACK: I stand corrected. The SECOND hardest job in any show- Editing.
[MATT LEONG- BEST EDITOR]
ANNOUNCER: And we’ll be right back with the 2009 Uni Awards right after this…
PROMO BREAK
ANNOUNCER: The 2009 Annual Uni Awards with your hosts- Jack and Shannon.
JACK: You know 2009 was an amazing year.
SHANNON: It was!
JACK: We got a new website!
SHANNON: Thanks to Paul Campbell!
JACK: And we started Sonic Gold!
SHANNON: Thanks also to Paul for getting it working for us!
JACK: And to all the amazing companies that let us use their works- Colonial Radio Theatre, Jim French Productions, Radio Repertory Company of America, and AMFM Theatre that does the Grist Mill!
SHANNON: And thanks to EVERYONE who signed up for Sonic Gold too!
JACK: This was the year where there not only was a bear in the markets, but in your hearts.
SHANNON: Where a Zombie made you laugh…
JACK: …And Jules Verne made a comeback after 100 years…!
SHANNON: Where a Moon Wraith fought a crime wave
JACK: And Martha and Dottie mamboed to a microwave.
SHANNON: And it wasn’t just Mambo. The music for shows keep getting better and better. From full orchestration, to the simple sweetness of a single instrument, Composers this year tugged at our heart strings and sometimes our funny bones to create the mood our shows. And to give out the award for this year’s Best Music…
ANNOUNCER: Multi-Award winning Actor, Writer, Producer and Creator of Colonial Radio Theatre- Jerry Robbins!
[Jerry Robbins- BEST MUSIC]
ANNOUNCER: From Cossmass Productions and Estalvin’s Legacy, writer, producer and actor- Paul Campbell!
[Paul Campbell- BEST WRITING]
ANNOUNCER: And we’ll be right back with the 2009 Uni Awards right after this…
PROMO BREAK
ANNOUNCER: The 2009 Annual Uni Awards with your hosts- Jack and Shannon.
JACK: So, are you having fun so far?
SHANNON: The best! You?
JACK: Well, I think you need to tell me now.
SHANNON: Tell you… what?
JACK: The one thing, everyone wants to know…
SHANNON: Umm… Really? You think I should… say… ?
JACK: – Am I nominee for the Best Actor?
SHANNON: (SGROWL) You are SO frustrating! Just listen to Rob Paterson tells us!
JACK: (WHISPER) So…?
SHANNON: (WHISPER) Enough!
ANNOUNCER: From Kung Fu Action Theatre- writer, director and Creator of the theatre with style- Rob Paterson!
[Rob Paterson- BEST ACTOR]
SHANNON: So are you going to stop bugging me now?
JACK: To be fair, I don’t think I really deserved to be nominated either.
SHANNON: Oh, for the love of… (COUGHS) And now, before we’re all awash in self deprecating banter… what you’ve all been waiting for- The Best Audio Dramas for this year. First, the Best Audio Short…
JACK: (WHISPERING IN A CHANT) Dead Line… Dead Line.. Dead Line…
SHANNON: (WHISPERING) Will you pick just ONE mania for tonight please?
ANNOUNCER: From the Snark Infested Waters Podcast, serial actor and producer- Taylor Kent!
[Taylor Kent- BEST AUDIO SHORT]
ANNOUNCER: And now for the Final Award of this evening… Best Audio Drama Show, from Electric Vicuna and the Sonic Society Podcast- Shannon Hilchie and Jack Ward!
JACK: Well… Let’s do this thing. Would you mind?
SHANNON: Doing the honours? Absolutely not!
And the nominees for Best Audio Drama Show are…
Broken Sea Audio for “Gaia’s Voyages”
Electric Vicuna for “The Dead Line- “The Replacement Show”
Gypsy Audio for “TamLyn P.I.”
Kung Fu Action Theatre for “Twin Stars”
Northern Rain Studio for “Shadow of the Bear”
And “Sinister Properties” for “The New Roomates”
And the winner is….. [LISTEN TO THE SHOW]
[Jack & Shannon- BEST AUDIO SHOW]
JACK: Well… better luck next- (GRUNTS BEING ELBOWED IN THE STOMACH) I mean congratulations everyone on their wins!
SHANNON: You are so transparent!
JACK: This has been a phenomenal year, and a fantastic awards. Thanks so much for coming everyone! See you at the After Party!
SHANNON: Goodnight!
ANNOUNCER: The Uni Awards were edited by Jack Ward and starred Jack Ward, Shannon Hilchie, Stevie K. Farnaby as your announcer, Rob Paterson, Jerry Robbins, Matt Leong, Paul Campbell, Taylor Kent, John Bell and all the winners of the Uni Awards this year. See you next year for Season 5 of the Sonic Society. Goodnight!
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